Washington knows him as Jesus #2. Lil knows him as Joshua. There are rooms in which he is still unsure which name he is allowed to answer to.
Raised to perform certainty in an isolated compound, he learned to read a room for permission before he learned to ask what he wanted. Outside its gates, the world proved larger than the Reverend had said, but no less willing to turn a person into a useful story.
Now there are bookings, deposits, families who have paid to travel, and handlers explaining why one more qualification would damage hope. Joshua can see what another promise will do. Refusing to make it is harder.
He and Lil once traveled together without an audience. She remembers him hungry, funny, and inconvenient. He remembers that she returned with breakfast.